January 27, 2010 Welcome to Planetback.com! -- Go, go, go...
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An Internet nuisance since 2008...
April 28, 2009
GEORGE BAILEY WAS A LOSER - by Paul Heinz
(Read More)
GEORGE BAILEY WAS A LOSER - by Paul Heinz
(Read More)
May 1, 2009
Lars the Unlikable Luddite
(Read more, Lars doesn't have many friends)
May 2, 2009
My Old Girlfriend - read more
October, 2009
THE CHICKEN AND EGG OF CORRUPTION by Paul Heinz
Does power corrupt, or does power attract corruption? That, to me, is the biggest question
facing mankind, except the question of why Rod Stewart continues to record albums. ( Read
more... c'mon, read more, Skippy!)
THE CHICKEN AND EGG OF CORRUPTION by Paul Heinz
Does power corrupt, or does power attract corruption? That, to me, is the biggest question
facing mankind, except the question of why Rod Stewart continues to record albums. ( Read
more... c'mon, read more, Skippy!)
October 27, 2009
Fail-Safe 45
There's a point during an air flight, just after takeoff, when the plane is listing, bouncing uneasily in
the air as if trying to gain traction in the clouds. A passenger will feel tightness in the stomach, grip
the arm rest a little more firmly, and perhaps glance around to see if anyone else's face displays
their gut. (Read more)
December 25, 2009
Christmas
What is Christmas? What does it mean? Was a baby born in Bethlehem who was destined to
be the saviour of the human race? Are the ones who believe in Jesus the ones who get it and
those who don’t are adrift in darkness? Or is it all just foolishness? Is the birth of Jesus some
2,009 years ago just a legend and no more real than, say…Santa Claus? (read more)
December 31, 2009
Four Weddings and Two Funerals
I went to four weddings and two funerals in 2009 and could have gone to a lot more. Funerals,
that is. My Mother passed away in 2009 and I have several friends who also lost a parent and I
have several other acquaintances who passed away. (read more.)
January 1, 2010
What’s Next?
I thought about titling this entry “What’s Next For Pedro?” because that sounds much more
pregnant, promising and esoteric than “What’s Next?” but I know no one named Pedro and
cannot imagine what might be next for him. Maybe that’s why I would have been asking the
question.
Additional contemplation leads to the thought that “pregnant, promising and esoteric” might
have served as a more appropriate titular phrase. If you say “titular phrase” in a library you’ll
get kicked out. Two-thousand and ten will be a wonderful time. I promise. The world is
getting smaller, we know more about each other, there are more of us and “Lost” has one
more season.
Jessica Biel will be seen on TV in 2010, President Obama will make speeches, John McCain
will provoke thoughts and Cherry Coke will remain plentiful on grocery store shelves. Ozzie
Guillen will use swear words in 2010, people will read “Slapstick” and “A Confederacy of
Dunces” this year, Korean War Veterans will be honored on their 60th anniversary, John
Wooden will turn 100 in October, Mario Andretti turns 70 in eight weeks.
The Boy Scouts turn 100 this year so it’s actually possible that every Boy Scout is still alive,
though unlikely. The Winter Olympics are this year, someone will drive a Saturn Sky this
summer and blue will still look good on you. Paul McCartney is still with us in 2010, so are
Ringo Starr, Jack La Lanne, Jane Goodall, Bob Newhart, Bob Dole, Johnny Mathis and
Hershey’s bars. Dogs are loyal, birds are beautiful and the stars are far, far away.
What’s next for Pedro? What isn’t? -- TK
January 9, 2010
Santa Redux
There was a red SUV on Lower Wacker Drive in Chicago on Friday with a license plate of
"Dec. 25." The SUV also had a sticker on the rear window which boasted that it was "Santa's
Sleigh."
"Santa" is a word best not seen nor heard in January. "Como" is another.
Do you think the driver of "Santa's Sleigh" annually spends the bulk of Christmas Day
driving around to provide others with the pleasure of an encounter so timely that it's
impossible to prevent a kismet, childish grin from crawling across one's face? The world
could use a few more overtures so magnanimous, gracious, felicitous and odd. Maybe
December 25th is the driver's birthday which would put them in the good company of Jesus,
Dido and Hanford Dixon.
Imagine the cruelty if "Santa's Sleigh" with the Dec. 25 license plate broke down on
Christmas Eve and was in the shop through New Year's. In such an event the driver
probably drank heavily until the moment it was operable again then drove non-stop honking
and shouting "I'm still here."
Was that Santa's truck? Santa in 2010 probably would drive a shabby SUV instead of an
actual sleigh pulled by animals. Or it could be argued that reindeer emit for fewer carbon
emissions than even a light truck though it's hard to imagine riding the back end of a deer
can be better for anyone than motoring in a Detroit relic.
Santa, like Jerry Lewis, remains a clandestine figure for 364 days of the year so it doesn't
seem likely he'd draw attention to himself on a random January night. But the North Pole
must get very lonely this time of year. The elves are probably vacationing in Bimini and Mrs.
Claus is certainly not in an amorous mood having spent weeks on-end baking cookies and
dressing the carcass of freshly-killed polar bear.
Poor Santa. You drive through January. You keep the high beams blazing, Lady Gaga
blaring and the jerky nervous. You attack the night. You laugh aloud. You don't think twice.
You punch yesterday in the face. – TK
January 14, 2010
The Singularity, The Strong, The Sadness
No soulful, sentient being ever needs added reason to peruse “Playboy” or “GQ” but extra
incentive does dwell in the current issues of both of those quality rags. Both monthlies have articles
about “Singularity” which is more than just a word to describe the sex life of certain unfortunates.
The “Singularity” at issue is the meshing of the technological and biological, the intellectual and the
spiritual, the mechanic and the organic, the impossible and the pending. Not clear? If you want to
explain what the Singlularity is to the person sitting on the train next to you before you reach the next
stop tell them this: “The Singularity is an era in which our intelligence will become increasingly
nonbiological and trillions of times more powerful than it is today—the dawning of a new civilization
that will enable us to transcend our biological limitations and amplify our creativity.” That line is
directly lifted from the web site of Ray Kurzweil, the author of “The Singularity is Near.”
If it’s still not coming into focus, let us flip the pages to Wikipedia which sums up the magnum
opus of Kurzweil’s brain matter as “….a point in the future when technological advances begin to
happen so rapidly that normal humans cannot keep pace…. In place of normal humans, Strong
Artificial Intelligences and cybernetically augmented humans will become the dominant forms of
sentient life on the Earth.” Drop that on the person sitting next to you on the train and then, as you
jump off at your stop, shout to them as the door closes – “We’re all gonna be robots, Pinto! Love
you madly!”
We’ll have things implanted in our arms, legs, balls and brains. We’ll be able to think bigger and
live longer, maybe forever. We’ll get Jay Leno cancelled and read “V” without blinking. Kurzweil, and
many others, believe technology will accelerate exponentially on-high through the 21st century,
meaning that humans will achieve 20,000 years of progress in this century alone. Hot damn. Bu,
could such power and progress prevent moments of apocalypse like the current one in Haiti? If not,
there’s not much benefit in it.
Some people, as expected, think all this is rubbish. Every super-human-acceleration party has
its poopers and there are those who don’t think we’re all going to be Franken-bots by 2045. Who
knows? Let the canaille have their say. It must be confessed, though, that I don’t necessarily want
to live forever or to think a billion times faster because that will just make it all the more difficult to
sleep and if everyone is a child of Steve Austin then none of us our special, and someone has to be.
One person well-versed in transcending normal boundaries of human existence has,
unfortunately, just left us and his body should be preserved, studied and replicated because a Buick
full of guys like him could give the future-bots serious competition on tomorrow’s playground, if not
in the classroom. His name was Joe Rollino and he was as much a flashback of the 20th century
as Singularity is a possible gateway to eternity. Rollino was hit and killed by a van in Brooklyn, New
York on Monday while on his daily three-mile walk. He was 104 years old was once the strongest
man in the world. Certainly he was one of the most durable. As recalled in various news accounts,
Rollino was once a marquee name at Coney Island for lifting thousands of pounds, bending
quarters and generally freaking the heck out of New Yorkers for decades on end. 104. Think of it,
when Joe Rollino was at retirement age David Cassidy was a pop king. Maybe David Cassidy
should be preserved in amber as well. Probably after he dies. From the few articles I’ve read about
Rollino there is no mention of him having children. Perhaps he sired the redwoods. Maybe James
Earl Jones fell from one of his tears. Steven Spielberg was born from his shavings.
A chap stuck somewhere on the periphery of the Singularity, the peculiar, the tragic and the Joe
Rollino legacy is Mark McGwire. He wanted to make his body bigger, stronger better and we all let
him do so and now he’s admonished, ashamed and banished from the Good Guy Club for at least
the next decade. Big Mac made a large error if he thought contrition would lead to instant
appreciation. Do you remember when Pete Rose finally confessed that he bet on games? It was
far too little many years too late. McGwire is not a demon, but we are not fools. We were, but not
anymore, not about this. If the Singularity really is near then in McGwire’s lifetime everyone will be
hitting the ball like him and smiling like David Cassidy and tantalizing like Joe Rollino. It will be a
strange, fantastic world. God-willing it will also be an honest one. - TK
The Singularity, The Strong, The Sadness
No soulful, sentient being ever needs added reason to peruse “Playboy” or “GQ” but extra
incentive does dwell in the current issues of both of those quality rags. Both monthlies have articles
about “Singularity” which is more than just a word to describe the sex life of certain unfortunates.
The “Singularity” at issue is the meshing of the technological and biological, the intellectual and the
spiritual, the mechanic and the organic, the impossible and the pending. Not clear? If you want to
explain what the Singlularity is to the person sitting on the train next to you before you reach the next
stop tell them this: “The Singularity is an era in which our intelligence will become increasingly
nonbiological and trillions of times more powerful than it is today—the dawning of a new civilization
that will enable us to transcend our biological limitations and amplify our creativity.” That line is
directly lifted from the web site of Ray Kurzweil, the author of “The Singularity is Near.”
If it’s still not coming into focus, let us flip the pages to Wikipedia which sums up the magnum
opus of Kurzweil’s brain matter as “….a point in the future when technological advances begin to
happen so rapidly that normal humans cannot keep pace…. In place of normal humans, Strong
Artificial Intelligences and cybernetically augmented humans will become the dominant forms of
sentient life on the Earth.” Drop that on the person sitting next to you on the train and then, as you
jump off at your stop, shout to them as the door closes – “We’re all gonna be robots, Pinto! Love
you madly!”
We’ll have things implanted in our arms, legs, balls and brains. We’ll be able to think bigger and
live longer, maybe forever. We’ll get Jay Leno cancelled and read “V” without blinking. Kurzweil, and
many others, believe technology will accelerate exponentially on-high through the 21st century,
meaning that humans will achieve 20,000 years of progress in this century alone. Hot damn. Bu,
could such power and progress prevent moments of apocalypse like the current one in Haiti? If not,
there’s not much benefit in it.
Some people, as expected, think all this is rubbish. Every super-human-acceleration party has
its poopers and there are those who don’t think we’re all going to be Franken-bots by 2045. Who
knows? Let the canaille have their say. It must be confessed, though, that I don’t necessarily want
to live forever or to think a billion times faster because that will just make it all the more difficult to
sleep and if everyone is a child of Steve Austin then none of us our special, and someone has to be.
One person well-versed in transcending normal boundaries of human existence has,
unfortunately, just left us and his body should be preserved, studied and replicated because a Buick
full of guys like him could give the future-bots serious competition on tomorrow’s playground, if not
in the classroom. His name was Joe Rollino and he was as much a flashback of the 20th century
as Singularity is a possible gateway to eternity. Rollino was hit and killed by a van in Brooklyn, New
York on Monday while on his daily three-mile walk. He was 104 years old was once the strongest
man in the world. Certainly he was one of the most durable. As recalled in various news accounts,
Rollino was once a marquee name at Coney Island for lifting thousands of pounds, bending
quarters and generally freaking the heck out of New Yorkers for decades on end. 104. Think of it,
when Joe Rollino was at retirement age David Cassidy was a pop king. Maybe David Cassidy
should be preserved in amber as well. Probably after he dies. From the few articles I’ve read about
Rollino there is no mention of him having children. Perhaps he sired the redwoods. Maybe James
Earl Jones fell from one of his tears. Steven Spielberg was born from his shavings.
A chap stuck somewhere on the periphery of the Singularity, the peculiar, the tragic and the Joe
Rollino legacy is Mark McGwire. He wanted to make his body bigger, stronger better and we all let
him do so and now he’s admonished, ashamed and banished from the Good Guy Club for at least
the next decade. Big Mac made a large error if he thought contrition would lead to instant
appreciation. Do you remember when Pete Rose finally confessed that he bet on games? It was
far too little many years too late. McGwire is not a demon, but we are not fools. We were, but not
anymore, not about this. If the Singularity really is near then in McGwire’s lifetime everyone will be
hitting the ball like him and smiling like David Cassidy and tantalizing like Joe Rollino. It will be a
strange, fantastic world. God-willing it will also be an honest one. - TK
January 19, 2010
Haiti
Haiti is about as close to hell on Earth as you can get. About 700 miles from the U.S., Haiti is the
poorest nation in the western hemisphere with the CIA estimating about 80-percent of Haiti's
residents live in poverty and 54-percent in abject poverty.
The life expectancy for Haitians in their home country is about 59 years for men, 62 years for
women. A little more than half of the people in Haiti over the age of 15 can read and write and Haiti
spends about 1.5% of its GDP on education which ranks it 175th in the world. Can you name 174
nations? There are about nine million people living in Haiti, which is the size of Maryland, and
UNICEF says about 60 % of Haitians have no access to basic health care. Approximately 19,000
children in Haiti have AIDS.
Haiti was hit by four hurricanes in 2008 and forecasters say another major hurricane could hit the
country soon. Much of Haiti has suffered deforestation making floods and landslides more likely
once devastating weather does hit.
Haiti has been a violent place for most of its history. Haiti's native people, the Taino
Amerindians, were all but wiped out by Spanish settlers within 25 years of Columbus' arrival in the
west in 1492. Haiti later became a wealthy nation as a French colony because of forestry and sugar-
related industries but only on the backs of African slaves. Currently, one-percent of Haiti's population
controls nearly half of Haiti's wealth and about 70% percent of the people are unemployed.
Haiti is also the victim of its own graft. According to a report in the "Sydney Morning Herald," last
year Transparency International ranked “Afghanistan 176th out of 180 countries in its annual
corruption poll. The only countries ranked lower were Haiti, Iraq, Burma and Somalia.” Almost
immediately after the quake hit Haiti last week the “Wall Street Journal” quoted a disaster risk
management specialist from the World Bank who said the death toll would be exacerbated because
Haiti has almost no zoning laws and building codes and a weak government (much of which has
now, literally, collapsed) and the nation would be largely dependent on the rest of the world to swoop
in and help.
The latest estimates are that about 200,000 will end up dead because of the earthquake in Haiti
and the pain will be felt for generations. The world is swooping in. When an earthquake hit Illinois a
couple of years ago (causing virtually no damage and no injuries but it did freak people out) I
interviewed a seismologist and was told that one of the most sinister characteristics of earthquakes
is that you “don’t know when they’re coming.” You don’t. But in a nation like Haiti it’s always easy to
forecast some type of trouble. The world is now digging Haiti out of the rubble. Hopefully once the
doctors and soldiers have done their immediate work they are able to stay in Haiti for a while along
with a few engineers and business people. Perhaps putting up one good, solid building that won’t
collapse is the start. If Haiti is an Augean stable then we must be Hercules. The helicopters, food,
medicine and money will wash away much of the mess but it’s our resiliency, and memory, that will
give Haiti a chance to transform from a broken state into a promising nation. The people of Haiti
deserve this. So do all those who are willing to help long after the world looks away. -- TK
Haiti
Haiti is about as close to hell on Earth as you can get. About 700 miles from the U.S., Haiti is the
poorest nation in the western hemisphere with the CIA estimating about 80-percent of Haiti's
residents live in poverty and 54-percent in abject poverty.
The life expectancy for Haitians in their home country is about 59 years for men, 62 years for
women. A little more than half of the people in Haiti over the age of 15 can read and write and Haiti
spends about 1.5% of its GDP on education which ranks it 175th in the world. Can you name 174
nations? There are about nine million people living in Haiti, which is the size of Maryland, and
UNICEF says about 60 % of Haitians have no access to basic health care. Approximately 19,000
children in Haiti have AIDS.
Haiti was hit by four hurricanes in 2008 and forecasters say another major hurricane could hit the
country soon. Much of Haiti has suffered deforestation making floods and landslides more likely
once devastating weather does hit.
Haiti has been a violent place for most of its history. Haiti's native people, the Taino
Amerindians, were all but wiped out by Spanish settlers within 25 years of Columbus' arrival in the
west in 1492. Haiti later became a wealthy nation as a French colony because of forestry and sugar-
related industries but only on the backs of African slaves. Currently, one-percent of Haiti's population
controls nearly half of Haiti's wealth and about 70% percent of the people are unemployed.
Haiti is also the victim of its own graft. According to a report in the "Sydney Morning Herald," last
year Transparency International ranked “Afghanistan 176th out of 180 countries in its annual
corruption poll. The only countries ranked lower were Haiti, Iraq, Burma and Somalia.” Almost
immediately after the quake hit Haiti last week the “Wall Street Journal” quoted a disaster risk
management specialist from the World Bank who said the death toll would be exacerbated because
Haiti has almost no zoning laws and building codes and a weak government (much of which has
now, literally, collapsed) and the nation would be largely dependent on the rest of the world to swoop
in and help.
The latest estimates are that about 200,000 will end up dead because of the earthquake in Haiti
and the pain will be felt for generations. The world is swooping in. When an earthquake hit Illinois a
couple of years ago (causing virtually no damage and no injuries but it did freak people out) I
interviewed a seismologist and was told that one of the most sinister characteristics of earthquakes
is that you “don’t know when they’re coming.” You don’t. But in a nation like Haiti it’s always easy to
forecast some type of trouble. The world is now digging Haiti out of the rubble. Hopefully once the
doctors and soldiers have done their immediate work they are able to stay in Haiti for a while along
with a few engineers and business people. Perhaps putting up one good, solid building that won’t
collapse is the start. If Haiti is an Augean stable then we must be Hercules. The helicopters, food,
medicine and money will wash away much of the mess but it’s our resiliency, and memory, that will
give Haiti a chance to transform from a broken state into a promising nation. The people of Haiti
deserve this. So do all those who are willing to help long after the world looks away. -- TK
January 27, 2010
Football Follies
If there’s an unexpected knock on your day over the next day or so it could be Roger Goodell
asking if you want to play in the Pro Bowl. They’re accepting applications at the post office, 7-11
and Gregg Easterbook’s house. More people are applying to be census takers in 2010 than want
to participate in the NFL’s annual All-Star folly. For the first time since Bud Grant hit puberty more
young boys dream of being a pro bowler than a Pro Bowler.
Tom Brady has pulled out of the Pro Bowl and, when you have Gisele Bundchen at home that’
s understandable. Brady’s teammate, WR Wes Welker, is also forgoing this year’s game but at
least he’s really hurt and can’t play. Also dropping out, among others, are Lance Briggs, Nate
Kaeding (yes, he was supposed to go) Philip Rivers, Charles Woodson, Brett Favre, Steven
Jackson and Marshall Holman.
All of them say they can’t play because they’re hurt. Except for Holman who doesn’t play
football. The Pro Bowl has always been about as well attended as a Ron Paul rally but at least it
boasted the afterglow of the game’s Super Bowl winners. Not this year. For the first time they’re
playing the Semi-Pro Bowl before the Super Bowl which means anyone playing in the big game
will miss the bad game. Those names include Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Dallas Clark,
Darren Sharper, Jonathan Vilma and Roman Harper. None of those gentlemen will likely regret
not getting to play in the Faux Bowl though because it’s not as if they’re missing out on a trip to
Hawaii. In year’s past, Pro Bowlers were enticed by a free ride to Honolulu where the game has
been played steadily for 30 years. But this year they’re playing in Miami (Miami!) as the kickoff to
Super Bowl week. Nothing against Miami but when you make gobs of money to play football for a
living a trip to Don Shula’s house isn’t as fun as a trip to Don Ho’s. Maybe it should be, but it isn’t.
Doesn’t the NFL realize Evangeline Lilly lives in Hawaii?
I was among 37 million Jets fans who were saddened on Sunday by the Green Machine’s
defeat to the Indianapolis Peytons in the AFC Title game. I’m not really a Jets fan but I was for a
few hours on Sunday. Anyone who thinks football should be played to win and believes Rex Ryan
is what the NFL needs more of had to be wearing a Jets jersey as they had a chance to knock out
the Colts who deflowered their own chances at perfection just a few weeks earlier by handing a
game to the Jets which is what helped Joe Namath’s children reach the postseason. The only
way Jim Caldwell’s Indianapolis Colts can possibly redeem themselves for intentionally trying to
lose a game is by winning the Super Bowl. If they do, rookie coach Caldwell is to be
congratulated but I don’t know if he’s to be commended. It will be an awful precedent that he will
have set that it’s OK to quit as long as you pick up all the marbles in the end. Was Caldwell’s
knee-taking a Richard Hatch giving up the pole? (It’s the only episode of “Survivor” I’ve ever seen
and it still haunts me.) Possibly. If the Colts hoist the shiny Lombardi in a few days it will have
been the right move but I’ll take Bill Belichick’s 2007 Patriots any time when it comes to pick the
cool teams of all time over the ponies who punted their chance at perfection.
Just as the Jets were Johnny Gold in the NFL’s Final Four, the New Orleans Saints are the
Super Bowl favorite of all those who hate injustice, love Olivia Munn and think Drew Brees should
grow his sideburns as long as he damn well pleases. If the Saints win the Super Bowl it will lead
to the biggest party in New Orleans ever and also another tattoo on Jeremy Shockey’s torso. The
Colts appear to be the overall better team as the Saints, as good as they are, are in the Super
Bowl for the first time ever due as much to Brett Favre’s hubris and Adrian Peterson’s hiccups.
But these Saints are good and here’s to hoping they show it in the biggest game in their history.
Another downside to Super Bowl 44 – besides the fact that the Colts are there – is that for the
first time ever football’s grand game pits two dome teams against each other. What does that
mean? Maybe nothing. An All-Dome Bowl was inevitable at some point though it’s strange –
ironic? – that the domers will be playing outside in Miami. Of course, if it’s the Super Bowl and it’s
the Colts it must be Miami as that’s where they’ve played in their three previous trips to the big
one, two from Baltimore and one from Indy three years ago when they cheated (they must have!)
and beat the Chicago Bears. That’s one more reason to lament the Jets’ flaming out: they were
the only team in the NFL Final Four to brave the wind and rain on a regular basis. The Super Bowl
should always be played outside or should be played on a rotation, like baseball’s All-Star game,
on the home turf of a different one of the league’s teams every year. Imagine a Super Bowl in
Chicago or Green Bay, New York, Denver, Philadelphia, Cleveland….ok, maybe it’s a bad idea.
We all know the Super Bowl is for more than a game. It’s a multi-billion-dollar bonanza and big
corporate thank you far more about sponsors and fat cats than real football fans. That’s the way it
is. I can understand the argument of those who say the game will be far more fun to watch on a
clean, warm field and with two potent offenses like the Saints and Colts it could be the highest
scoring SB in history. But let’s smile for just a second with the thought of the great American
game being played in the merciless character-building cold of Green Bay. It might not be better,
but it would be fun. At least from the living room. --TK
