Christmas is For Fools, Children, Lovers and Giant Trees
Christmas is For Fools, Children, Lovers and Giant Trees
Christmas Promises
December 17, 2018
The Christmas Idiot
Neville has hitchhiked all the way from Waukegan, Illinois to northern California because a lady at Neville’s favorite bar told him that this year, for the first time ever, all the giant California redwood trees will have Christmas lights and ornaments.
And even better, she told Neville, they’re looking for people to climb to the top of the massive trees to put stars and/or angels on top.
“You can do it, Neville!” She encouraged him. “Those Sequoias could use a stud like you!”
Neville enjoys encouragement and is intrigued by challenges so he made his way to the Redwood National Park, a journey which took him six weeks and also cost him his life savings. Now he’s here, so lets all listen in as he approaches a park ranger.
“Hi I’m Neville. From Waukegan. I’m your guy! Angels! Stars! Garland! Where do I start?”
The park ranger is looking him over.
“Neville! Thank God you’re here!”
Now Neville is being handed a box of ornaments and a star the size of a city bus. Neville is very strong so he can handle this. Now he’s being fitted with a jetpack and there goes Neville!
“Holy Shit!” Neville is screaming as he rockets into the great green and blue above. “Holy Shit! I knew that lady was telling the truth! This is the best Christmas since 2011!”
It sure is, you idiot. It sure is. –TK
Monday, December 17, 2018