Trick or Treat or Die, Sweetheart
Trick or Treat or Die, Sweetheart
Hey There, Gundy Girl! Trying So Hard to Fuck Up Halloween....
October 29, 2018
Tricks, Treats, and a Mind and Soul of Trash
The children want candy for Halloween. Chocolate, bubble gum, licorice and anything else that holds sugar and is served in a shiny wrapper.
But Gundy Wrinkle don't play that game. Gundy, a handsome woman of about 40, believes kids should be given healthy treats like fresh fruit or a Haiku about pandas.
After giving such things to the first few rounds of goblins, witches, Batmans, robots and foosball heroes who ring her bell, Gundy Wrinkle knows by the expressions on the children's faces that she is failing.
She also knows that the kids aren't happy because they, and sometimes their parents, call her profane names and question her patriotism and sanity.
After a few hours of this mad charade Gundy is despondent and dances on her front lawn wearing only deer antlers that she stole from an eight-year-old boy and she screams "Back to hell, Halloween! Back to hell, Halloween!"
She also farts and cackles.
The police arrive but before they can slap the cuffs on this cursed soul, one of the children - a doe-eyed girl of about 7 named Dixie - says, "Wait! Just wait! Maybe this untethered old crow is on to something! Maybe Halloween shouldn't be about candy and calories but instead should be a celebration of health and nudity!"
The mob (and it has been a mob for a while) is overcome with shame. The adults then disrobe and the children dump their candy into a pile and set it aflame and everyone dances and sings.
Everyone, that is, except for Gundy Wrinkle who chooses to remain mostly nude and leans against a tree and lights a cigarette and says to no one specifically, "Telling the truth gets 'em every time, don't it girl?" --TK
Monday, October 29, 2018